i know

that no one actually reads this crap im sure.
but it feels good to get to out anyways.

i honest to god. truly, madly deeply, HATE myself.
i have screwed up too many times.
i have lost too many good things in my life because I'm a fuck up.
i recently lost the most important thing in my life. the person who helped me the most. if you want to know more about him. he is in almost all of my posts. most importantly..."Hero"
thats is how much a care for him. still do.
i FUCKED myself over on that one.
i LIED. i treated him like shit. he didnt deserve any of it.

i did attempt to redeem myself. it alsmost worked. i did improve. but not enough =[

and now i am a whore, and im dirty, and i am a liar. i am all the trhings i didnt want to be.

its funny how much ive changed. i dont want to. i want to be mean. i want to be the me I said i would be. but if no one will let me then whats the point?

god dammit. why cant i do anything right?

it isnt even all about him. i am just not a good person at all. i talk crap. i can be so mean. i am spiteful, selfish, and gross.

bndsjguhsdfguisdl;jiogh;

this was a dumb rant.
i am so dumb. and pathetic.

nmjkdfyo; bleh.